Esox Lucius
15-01-2005, 05:22 PM
One day David Moyes was out and about enjoying himself in Liverpool City Centre. A small boy saw him and went over to David for a chat. "Are you that football manager?" said the boy. "Yes." replied David. "Can I have your autograph please?" the boy continued. "Of course," said David, "where would you like me to sign?" "I haven't got any paper," the boy told David, "so will you sign part of my body instead?" "Certainly!" said David. With that the boy turned around, dropped his pants and pointed his bum at David!
"Oh dear," said David, "I think you're mistaking me! Rafa Benitez signs all the arse holes!"
:lol:
One day Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty and Quassie Modo all go to see the Wizard Of Oz to ask him one question each. They are sitting in the waiting room chatting. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the smallest person in the world!" said Tom Thumb. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the most beautiful person in the world!" said Sleeping Beauty. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the ugliest person in the world!" said Quassie Modo.
So Tom Thumb goes in and a few minutes later he comes out and says, "It's official, I am the smallest person in the world!" Next Sleeping Beauty goes in. A few minutes later she comes out and says, "I am the most beautiful person in the whole world!" Finally Quassie goes in. A few minutes later he returns and says, "Who the **** is Jamie Carragher?"
Why do Kopites whistle when they're on the toilet?
So that they know which end to wipe!
Did you hear about the Labour MP who was found dead in a Liverpool kit? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear to save his family from embarassment!
A small child is playing in a Liverpool street when a Rotweiller jumps over a wall and starts to savage the little kid!
A man who is walking down the street charges in! He grabs the dog, wrestles with it, throttles it until it is dead, then kicks it back over the wall from which it came!
Another spectator runs over to the man, and shaking his hand says, "You're a hero mate! You just saved that child's life! I'm a reporter from the Liverpool Echo! What's your name?"
But the hero is reluctant, "I don't want my name in the papers!" he says!
"OK but I've got to tell this story! How about 'Everton Supporter Rescues Baby'?"
"No I don't support Everton!"
"OK, OK! What about 'Tranmere Supporter Rescues Baby'?"
"That's no good! I don't support Tranmere neither!"
"Not to worry! But this story has got to be told! What team do you support?"
"I'm a Liverpool Supporter!"
"Right, I've got the perfect headline; SCUMBAG HOOLIGAN MURDERS FAMILY PET!"
Why did the Post Office recall all of their limited edition Liverpool FC Stamps?
Because they had picture of Liverpool players on them and people didn't know which side to spit on!
What's the difference between a female Kopite and a pitbull?
Lipstick!
Father Christmas, The Tooth Fairy, a Kopite from Liverpool, and an old drunk are walking down a road together! They simultaneously spot a £50 note on the floor! Who got it?
The old drunk of course! The other three are mythical creatures!
How long does it take a Liverpool fan to change a light bulb in Anfield?
An hour as he has to get the train from chester
Four surgeons are having a coffee break.
The first one says, "I like operating on accountants best because everything inside is numbered!"
The second one says, "Nah, I like librarians! Everything inside them is always in alphabetical order!"
The third one says, "Electricians, they're the best! Everything inside them is colour coded!"
The forth one says, "I prefer operating on Liverpool Fans! They're gutless, heartless, spineless, and their heads and backsides are interchangeable!"
There was a group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a Liverpool FC joke. Suddenly a bloke at the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that! I'm a Liverpool Fan!" The guide looked at him and said, "Don't worry! We'll explain it to you afterwards!"
What's the difference between a Liverpool fan and a lemon?
One's bitter and twisted, the other's a citrus fruit!
Top tip for Liverpool fans: Don't waste money on an expensive new kit every season. Simply strap a large inflatable dick to your forehead and everyone will immediately know what team you support!
There was a girl from Merseyside on holiday on a beach in Tampa. She walked along the beach eyeing the big-bosomed girls walking arm-in-arm with their boyfriends and she became distraught, for she had a rather insignificant pair of jugs! Suddenly she found a merky old bottle that had been washed up on the shore and she picked it up. Poof! Out of the bottle emerged a genie who immediately offered to grant her a wish. Straight away she said, "Give me two of the biggest tits in the world." Poof! Poof! And magically before her eyes appeared Steven Gerrard & Harry Kewell
:lol:
"Oh dear," said David, "I think you're mistaking me! Rafa Benitez signs all the arse holes!"
:lol:
One day Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty and Quassie Modo all go to see the Wizard Of Oz to ask him one question each. They are sitting in the waiting room chatting. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the smallest person in the world!" said Tom Thumb. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the most beautiful person in the world!" said Sleeping Beauty. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the ugliest person in the world!" said Quassie Modo.
So Tom Thumb goes in and a few minutes later he comes out and says, "It's official, I am the smallest person in the world!" Next Sleeping Beauty goes in. A few minutes later she comes out and says, "I am the most beautiful person in the whole world!" Finally Quassie goes in. A few minutes later he returns and says, "Who the **** is Jamie Carragher?"
Why do Kopites whistle when they're on the toilet?
So that they know which end to wipe!
Did you hear about the Labour MP who was found dead in a Liverpool kit? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear to save his family from embarassment!
A small child is playing in a Liverpool street when a Rotweiller jumps over a wall and starts to savage the little kid!
A man who is walking down the street charges in! He grabs the dog, wrestles with it, throttles it until it is dead, then kicks it back over the wall from which it came!
Another spectator runs over to the man, and shaking his hand says, "You're a hero mate! You just saved that child's life! I'm a reporter from the Liverpool Echo! What's your name?"
But the hero is reluctant, "I don't want my name in the papers!" he says!
"OK but I've got to tell this story! How about 'Everton Supporter Rescues Baby'?"
"No I don't support Everton!"
"OK, OK! What about 'Tranmere Supporter Rescues Baby'?"
"That's no good! I don't support Tranmere neither!"
"Not to worry! But this story has got to be told! What team do you support?"
"I'm a Liverpool Supporter!"
"Right, I've got the perfect headline; SCUMBAG HOOLIGAN MURDERS FAMILY PET!"
Why did the Post Office recall all of their limited edition Liverpool FC Stamps?
Because they had picture of Liverpool players on them and people didn't know which side to spit on!
What's the difference between a female Kopite and a pitbull?
Lipstick!
Father Christmas, The Tooth Fairy, a Kopite from Liverpool, and an old drunk are walking down a road together! They simultaneously spot a £50 note on the floor! Who got it?
The old drunk of course! The other three are mythical creatures!
How long does it take a Liverpool fan to change a light bulb in Anfield?
An hour as he has to get the train from chester
Four surgeons are having a coffee break.
The first one says, "I like operating on accountants best because everything inside is numbered!"
The second one says, "Nah, I like librarians! Everything inside them is always in alphabetical order!"
The third one says, "Electricians, they're the best! Everything inside them is colour coded!"
The forth one says, "I prefer operating on Liverpool Fans! They're gutless, heartless, spineless, and their heads and backsides are interchangeable!"
There was a group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a Liverpool FC joke. Suddenly a bloke at the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that! I'm a Liverpool Fan!" The guide looked at him and said, "Don't worry! We'll explain it to you afterwards!"
What's the difference between a Liverpool fan and a lemon?
One's bitter and twisted, the other's a citrus fruit!
Top tip for Liverpool fans: Don't waste money on an expensive new kit every season. Simply strap a large inflatable dick to your forehead and everyone will immediately know what team you support!
There was a girl from Merseyside on holiday on a beach in Tampa. She walked along the beach eyeing the big-bosomed girls walking arm-in-arm with their boyfriends and she became distraught, for she had a rather insignificant pair of jugs! Suddenly she found a merky old bottle that had been washed up on the shore and she picked it up. Poof! Out of the bottle emerged a genie who immediately offered to grant her a wish. Straight away she said, "Give me two of the biggest tits in the world." Poof! Poof! And magically before her eyes appeared Steven Gerrard & Harry Kewell
:lol: