Esox Lucius
13-10-2005, 11:24 AM
A redshite, a Toffeeman and a Tranmere fan are walking thru a park when they see a naked women who has been assaulted.
The Toffeeman picks up his hat and puts it over her left breast, the Rovers fan does the same with his hat and covers her right breast. The redshite puts his hat (which is full of badges) over her pussy and they ring up the local bizzies and wait.
The Police arrive and go over to the dead body and see the efc, trfc and shite hats covering her bits and preserving her dignity. One of the bizzies picks up the redshites hat and puts it down again, picks it up and puts it down, he does this a few times. The footy fans look confused and ask the bizzie what is he doing? He replied 'Usually there is an arsehole underneath a redshite hat!'
Difference between Rafa and the rest of the population?
Rafa buys his turkeys in July!
In The Royal Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in
looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for
your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for the brain of a redshite and £500 for a Toffeeman's." The moment turned awkward.
"Why is the redshite brain so much more?" asked a relative.
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to
mark up the price of the redshite brains as you would anything new because it has never been used!"
TRAGICALLY IN ONE WEEK, DAVID MOYES AND RAFA BENITEZ DIE AND GO TO HEAVEN.
AS THE LIVERPOOL BOSS GETS TO HEAVEN, HE IS GREETED BY GOD, "HELLO RAFA, GREAT TO MEET YOU AT LAST", SAYS GOD. "DUE TO THE EXCEPTIONAL WORK AND DEDICATION SHOWN IN YOUR JOB OVER THE PAST YEAR, YOU WILL GET YOUR OWN HOUSE IN HEAVEN", EXPLAINS GOD. "I MAY ADD THAT NOT EVERYBODY GETS THIS SORT OF PRIVILAGE HERE" GOD SAYS, AS HE LEADS RAFA TO A CUTE LITTLE BUNGALOW WITH A REDSHITE DOOR MAT AND A REDSHITE EMBLEM ON THE FRONT DOOR.
"LOOKS GREAT, VERY NICE INDEED" SAYS RAFA.........
AS HE TURNS TO GOD HE NOTICES A HUGE PALACE ON THE NEXT CLOUD ALONG, THE PALACE HAD 4 TOWERS PAINTED ROYAL BLUE AND WHITE, AND FROM THE TOP OF EACH TOWER IS A HUGE EVERTON FLAG, AND BOOMING OUT FROM THE LOUD SPEAKERS IS THE THEME TO "Z CARS".
RAFA LOOKS AT GOD AND SCREAMS "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? HOW COME DAVID MOYES GETS A PLACE LIKE THAT WHEN HE'S NEVER WON A THING IN HIS LIFE?"
GOD LOOKS RAFA DEEP INTO HIS EYES AND REPLIES "THATS NOT DAVID MOYES' HOUSE.............IT'S MINE"
:clap:
The Toffeeman picks up his hat and puts it over her left breast, the Rovers fan does the same with his hat and covers her right breast. The redshite puts his hat (which is full of badges) over her pussy and they ring up the local bizzies and wait.
The Police arrive and go over to the dead body and see the efc, trfc and shite hats covering her bits and preserving her dignity. One of the bizzies picks up the redshites hat and puts it down again, picks it up and puts it down, he does this a few times. The footy fans look confused and ask the bizzie what is he doing? He replied 'Usually there is an arsehole underneath a redshite hat!'
Difference between Rafa and the rest of the population?
Rafa buys his turkeys in July!
In The Royal Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in
looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for
your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for the brain of a redshite and £500 for a Toffeeman's." The moment turned awkward.
"Why is the redshite brain so much more?" asked a relative.
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to
mark up the price of the redshite brains as you would anything new because it has never been used!"
TRAGICALLY IN ONE WEEK, DAVID MOYES AND RAFA BENITEZ DIE AND GO TO HEAVEN.
AS THE LIVERPOOL BOSS GETS TO HEAVEN, HE IS GREETED BY GOD, "HELLO RAFA, GREAT TO MEET YOU AT LAST", SAYS GOD. "DUE TO THE EXCEPTIONAL WORK AND DEDICATION SHOWN IN YOUR JOB OVER THE PAST YEAR, YOU WILL GET YOUR OWN HOUSE IN HEAVEN", EXPLAINS GOD. "I MAY ADD THAT NOT EVERYBODY GETS THIS SORT OF PRIVILAGE HERE" GOD SAYS, AS HE LEADS RAFA TO A CUTE LITTLE BUNGALOW WITH A REDSHITE DOOR MAT AND A REDSHITE EMBLEM ON THE FRONT DOOR.
"LOOKS GREAT, VERY NICE INDEED" SAYS RAFA.........
AS HE TURNS TO GOD HE NOTICES A HUGE PALACE ON THE NEXT CLOUD ALONG, THE PALACE HAD 4 TOWERS PAINTED ROYAL BLUE AND WHITE, AND FROM THE TOP OF EACH TOWER IS A HUGE EVERTON FLAG, AND BOOMING OUT FROM THE LOUD SPEAKERS IS THE THEME TO "Z CARS".
RAFA LOOKS AT GOD AND SCREAMS "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? HOW COME DAVID MOYES GETS A PLACE LIKE THAT WHEN HE'S NEVER WON A THING IN HIS LIFE?"
GOD LOOKS RAFA DEEP INTO HIS EYES AND REPLIES "THATS NOT DAVID MOYES' HOUSE.............IT'S MINE"
:clap: