I`m assuming you`ve not been making techno for a long time here.
This is quite intersting. It sounds like computer game music, but with good production this could be a pretty good track. The ideas hold it up.

As for what it needs.
Good subtractive EQ, compression, phatter sounds, FX, more variation in the velocities.

As a starter this is good. You have a lot to learn, but at least you are working in a original way. Which is more than can be said for a lot of more pro sounding producers.