Yeah, this one sounds good alright. Think the kick could sit a little bit better, and the hat seems to lose its sharpness a little as the track progresses.. other than that I'd agree, it would certainly get picked up by a label.

Now its only a small thing and far be it from me, but I think a heavy kick like that could easily be held off on for a bit until you introduce it, could make it a little bit more effective. i.e. lower or eq it down a bit at the beginning, then *wham*. That's just me though ;)