Well I can't comment too much on the mix/levels since I really need to hear it on the monitors for that to be of any use..
but I think its a bit thin in areas..
The high end could be a lot brighter, and there's too much verb on the mix..
The bass could likely go deeper as well but I can't fully say so until I can check at home.

I think with some beefing up of the bits, and less verb... a brighter hi end and deeper low end this would work ;)

Maybe a few edits and things thrown in for good measure too.. but that's purely from an arrangement standpoint. :)