rite mate here is my interpreatations of ur tune

hi hats at teh beggin dont sound like they are a pattern, there just a lil random, i alway try and start with a loop

as for sequencing its a bit dodgy to have a bass sound drop so early and kick needs cummin in etc

need more perc and more reveeb! bass rips nice but lack of perc looses a pro feel, there needs to be more sounds, its very thin!

im goin bed now there is potential, get more verb and delay on ur lead sounds to make them more natural