west ham - home - hammers fan shoots mourinho, game gets cancelled, fa decide to make the hammers the winnersa just for a laugh


bolton - vernon kay gets his cock out in his vip box, cech looks in awe at the size of it, nolan slides in the winner whilst he isnt looking


everton - big dunc kicks all their heads in, fa decide everton are the winners because we are that great


utd - home - rooney scores hat trick winner and tells carvalho that he wants to bum his nan.

blackburn - away - someone throws a blow up sheep on the pitch from the crowd, bellamy savage & mark hughes run on the pitch to shag it, they then realise it's not a real sheep and get depressed, game cancelled as they are signed off and put on prozac. both teams grab a point each.

newcastle - away - shearer pisses himself on the pitch after drinking too much LCL lager, graeme souness plants a bomb and blows terry up and lampard loses an eye, newcastle made the winners simply because they are not cockneys.