worst gig ever

[Jay Sanders]

I was offered £10 to play a "12 Inch Thumpers" record whilst playing a progressive house warm up in a club!!

For anyone who doesnt know who "12 inch Thumpers" they make possibly the nastiest Hard House ever i found out after.... No thanks!!

[Mucky Beats]

i must admit this has happend to me many a time years ago!!! many a birthday party or wedding i have turned up and had the old "have you not got something we can dance to" from the pissed old women trying her best to dance but just carnt handle the techno he he. best thing to do to really piss um off is find ya one tune with a cheesy tune sample in break down or somthing stop everything drop the sample and watch the fat cow jump up to dance then watch her face as the shranz beat drops ha ha ha ! then do what mark said and wrecked the gaff!!!

[vadarfone]

Yep. You are not alone.

I got asked to play my mates joint 29th Birthday party in a bar in North Tokyo.

Hmmm..

Well, I arrived and set up.

Played minimal for an hour. No one dancing.

Played harder techy stuff. No one dancing.

Played Techno-DNB ala Phace, Prode etc. 3 people dancing.

The host did a speech etc for the birthday boys (which was really nice to be fair and made me grin looking at all the photos on the slideshow etc)

Played straight Trance for an hour. quite a few people dancing.

The host played kylie minogue's 'I should be so lucky'...

The place went wild. People on the tables, drinks getting spilt etc etc.

Hmmm

I asked the manager of the bar to pay me some money for my efforts. He said no. So I asked him to pay me in drinks. He said no.

Hopefully next week will be better.

[Dustin Zahn]

I'm from Wisconsin...I guarantee I've got all you guys beat numerous times over. After all, we founded the world's first club night to ever feature a fish fry.

Anywho, let's see...top requests:

1. Smashing Pumpkins
Got this one last September at an actual rave mind you. I was tag teaming with another DJ when an innocent kid came up to speak with him. Busy digging through my record case, I wasn't paying attention. All of the sudden I hear the other DJ go, "I don't know. Ask Zahn, he might have some. Hey Zahn, maybe you got some of this!?" The kid comes up to me and very nicely and polietly asks me "Do you have any Smashing Pumpkins mixes?" Remixes? DJ mixes? Original tracks? I didn't know...but it completely blew my mind how sincere he was. It was like he wasn't aware that he had asked the stupidest question I'd heard in quite a while. Anyway, I said no (politely) and sent him on his way.

2. Whitesnake (any songs)
I played at a techno show at a strip club once. Apparently on the other nights there is a sheet for people to write their requests down for the DJs. Within a half hour of an Attack People DJ set (read: hard, dark, dirty music)...the sheet was full with requests such as Nirvana, 2 Live Crew, and Whitesnake. Surprisingly, the women were nowhere near as bad as the musical taste of the visiting patrons. I think Ian's ex borrowed $45 from me for the strippers that night. I can't remember if I was ever paid back, but I think so.

3. Matchbox 20
At another Attack People DJ gig about...5 or 6 years ago we were rockin' out pretty hard. I was playing stuff like Redhead, Skunkworks, doubles of headroom records, etc. and this drunk old 40yr old lady comes up and slurred at me, "C-can you play some Matchbox 20?" I told her I'd do my best to fit some in and kept her waiting all night. An hour later Ian went on and she never got what she wanted. :)

4. Journey
I was playing at a club with Bryan Zentz and it was very techno oriented. From some weird reason, an older guy wandered in early on asked me if I had any Journey while I was warming up for Bryan. Don't ask me why but I always had Journey in my bag for this very reason. I told him I did and two hours later after my warm up set I ended with Journey. The old man actually stuck around. Upon clearing the dance floor a bit, the old man jumped in the middle of the floor screaming "F*ck yeah! That's some real music!" Later that night, Bryan ended with some Fantomas.

Sadly, there are plenty more and probably worse requests that I'd have to sit back and think about for a second. I'm sure Ian remembers some of them.

[Jay Pace]

I don't know whats worse.

Playing to empty rooms.
Playing to full rooms and nobody dancing.
Playing to free parties full of scatty panicky people as the police arrive in riot gear and make a beeline for you.

Different flavours of bad.

Still, the bad gigs are what make the good gigs good.

[Si the Sigh]

You lot suck as DJ's...

You're supposed to be pleasing the crowd not youreselves! :)

ha ha!

[snooch]

I was playing techno and a bit of ghetto at a house party in Chicago more than a few years ago and this WASTED guy came up to me. It was about 3 or 3:30 in the morning and this guy could barely stand let alone speak in a manner to be understood. He keeps shouting gobbletygook at me so I finally ask him WTF he wants. Quite clearly he says "I'd like to hear some Neil Diamond." Lo and behold, look what gem I brought with me to freak out the tweekers at 4:20. So I put Sweet Caroline on and the guy dances around for a while and comes back. He puts his hand on the table the decks are on to lean over and talk. He yells "That's the shit man!" and his hand slips. His forehead lands on the spindle and he knocks his self out cold. Now theres blood all over the tables and I've got another half hour to play. F*ckin' hell.

[TechMouse]

1. Smashing Pumpkins
Got this one last September at an actual rave mind you. I was tag teaming with another DJ when an innocent kid came up to speak with him. Busy digging through my record case, I wasn't paying attention. All of the sudden I hear the other DJ go, "I don't know. Ask Zahn, he might have some. Hey Zahn, maybe you got some of this!?" The kid comes up to me and very nicely and polietly asks me "Do you have any Smashing Pumpkins mixes?" Remixes? DJ mixes? Original tracks? I didn't know...but it completely blew my mind how sincere he was. It was like he wasn't aware that he had asked the stupidest question I'd heard in quite a while. Anyway, I said no (politely) and sent him on his way.

I actually have an electro remix of 1979 on vinyl.

[TechMouse]

I remember randomly DJing a night at Templars in Nottingham (no shit) with FilthyDave last year.

A load of blinged up nodders turned up, and one of them...

A. Tried to crack on to my girlfriend, after telling her how much he hated his own girlfriend. (Winner).

B. Asked me if I was going to be playing anything "good" soon.

I asked "like what?"...

He said "not this"...

I told him he was free to leave if he didn't like the music.

He said he'd payed £3 to get in.

I directed him to the bouncers for a refund.

Didn't see him again.

[RDR]

Im in tears here... some of those stories are priceless...

My one is a bit lame really. Years ago i DJ'd a house party in leeds where the majority of people were D'N'B heads.. you know the ones who's fashion is more important that the music. Played techno, they got angry, so i blew up the system deliberately - got VERY drunk - offered ALL of the outside for a fight - Got kicked out and threw up in their letterbox.

That'll learn em.

[Louk]

I was offered £10 to play a "12 Inch Thumpers" record whilst playing a progressive house warm up in a club!!

For anyone who doesnt know who "12 inch Thumpers" they make possibly the nastiest Hard House ever i found out after.... No thanks!!

Ha ha ha! I bet you £10 I can guess where that was as well! ;)

I've had lots of idiotic requests. One asking me if I had special D - come with me, I think she genuinely thought that there was a likelyhood of me playing it. Wish I did have it though as she was really pretty.

There is a particular track that was a big anthem at a club I was a resident at (Dance Academy), called 'Cruising', it rips off nalin + kane's beachball and adds abysmal vocals on top. The main resident there played it in every one of his sets and it was quite vomit inducing. Every set I was asked to play this tune and I really hated it. I found a sample of it here http://mp3.juno.co.uk/MP3/SF242737-01-01-01.mp3

Someone once asked me to play Eminem, so I played the triple D remix of one of his tunes (funky rolling techno).

Worst yet has to be the YMCA... I'm sure that was a pisstake though!

Louk