Well, it really is amazing what I can do with a sharpened spoon.

did I ever tell you about the time I performed an appendectomy with the lid of a rusty sardine cannnnnnn, or the time I removed a malignant tumour with my teeeethhhhh

All the art has gone out of surgery these days
all the know how and make do



"Nurse, I`m going to have to massage the heart!!!"
--Dr Benway drunkenly adds another few inches to a 3 inch incision
He takes the toilet plunger and swishes it around in the toilet bowl.

Nurse "shouldn`t that be sterilised Dr?"

Dr Benway " probably but there isn`t the time"

He advances on the patient and forces the head of the plunger into the incision.
He begins working it up and down.
Blood squirts all over the toilet cubicle, making a horrible shlupping sound.

Nurse "I think the patient is dead doctor"

Dr Benway "Well, you win some you lose some"

Dr Benway walks over to a bathroom cabinet.
Dr Benway "Nurse!!! get me anohter RX immediately, some goddamn bastard has cut my cocain with Sani-Flush!!"...


ah, Burroughs.....