Getting a bit frustrated.

Most of my mixes translate as overly warm - too much weighting towards the bottom end of things, and whilst I really like how they sound on their own they can sound a bit lightweight when played next to other tracks. Partly thats how I like mixes to sound, party I have hyperacusis and high frequency sounds hurt my ears, so I tend to keep them down a bit.

This pisses me off a bit, because essentially to make a commercial dj release you seem have to follow the same loud as hell impossibly maximised thrash the arse of everything approach to balancing your mix, otherwise when your track is mixed alongside another one it will seem lightweight. So whilst I'll be really happy with how tracks sound on their own, they start sounding a bit light compared to other tracks.

Any tips for getting round this? Particularly I don't know how the **** I am supposed to reference properly when even well mixed well mastered reference tracks will hurt my ears around certain mid to high range frequencies. Snares and claps particularly on records I know sound kick ass on a rig can sound too loud when I am running them through studio monitors. Argh.