listen dude we can all be our own worst enemy.
i've listened expecting it to be really shit like you said.
and instead i've genuinely liked it. really hard from the offset and got a good hard sound to it,
ok you had shit headphones but i loved the first 24 mins and from about 35 mins. lost it in the middle i think, i think you were being over-ambitious with your tune selection there, and some mad headrush i expect!!)
i think you worry too much, just keep practicing and nail it for when you play out again next.